


burned out

by flymetomanchester



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sibling Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 12:37:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16040627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flymetomanchester/pseuds/flymetomanchester
Summary: a small portion of a story has many different views. this is a small portion of dan and phil through the eyes of adrian and the first time he ever met martyn.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this was written for the phandom fic fests bingo fest!
> 
> Prompt: Sibling Relationships

**_2010_ **

The days had grown shorter and the nights longer. The dark became his best friend, and the day his enemy. It was all about timing, yet timing was a dangerous thing. Reality was becoming bigger and bigger and he wasn't sure how to stop it. As you see, it wasn't his to control.

He was a bystander as he watched his brother rise up above the clouds. It was slow, but it was happening. He was slipping from his fingertips and nothing could stop him from losing him. It wasn't as if anything was going to his head. It was more so the fact that his brother was growing away from him and his parents. It was digging a hole inside him that he buried and couldn't bother to bring up to anyone.

His bedroom door was always shut nowadays, it was clearly not an invitation for him to go in as he could before. There would be nights where he couldn't sleep. Nights like those always made him go over to his brother's room. At least then he knew things would be okay.

_The rain was pouring down on the roof of the house, causing him to toss and turn for the last hour. Each time he was almost asleep, thunder would crash, waking him up. His mind would race while his body was tired; only creating an intense state of paranoia. Racing thoughts would send chills over his body and cause goosebumps to form all over his skin._

_The only light coming from the room was the corner where a small night light was plugged in. The only use for it was so he could see his way around if he needed to. There were toys scattered on his floor that made him need some kind of light source. One wrong move and he would fall and his parents more than likely would run in in a panic._

_Lightning struck and illuminating the night sky and his room through the curtain lace, casting shadows from the trees that would cause shivers to dance along his skin. Standing up, he wrapped his blanket around his shoulders, almost like a cloak. Snaking through his room, he opened the door, retreating back when it started creaking._

_No lights were on in the hall except for the lights coming from his brother's room down the hall. He could hear what sounded like him playing some game and getting annoyed along the way. Tiptoeing down the hall, he knocked on the door before walking in._

_"Dan?" He said, his voice quivering when thunder crashed again._

_His brother's room was a warm brown that felt like a soft hug that made you feel at home. He enjoyed it much more than his room._

_Pausing the game, Dan looked over at his brother. The blanket was wrapped around him and caused his frame to look smaller than it was. "What's up Ad?"_

_Instead of answering like he usually would, he went over and climbed on the bed beside Dan. Laying his head on Dan's chest, he curled into his side. Taking Dan by surprise, he stared at his younger brother half on top of him. He could feel the goosebumps on him himself and sighed._

_"Alright, it's alright," Dan spoke, reaching over for the controller to turn his game off. Switching over to a movie of some sort that he knew he wouldn't pay much attention to, he turned the volume down. Looking down at his brother, Dan smiled. Adrian's head was on his chest and his shirt was tangled in his hand._

_It felt nice knowing that he was needed by his brother in certain situations. It made him feel special at times to know that he was needed in only a way he could provide. In ways that his parents couldn't help but he couldn't help but love._

_Rubbing his back, Dan ran his fingers through Adrian's hair and held him close. Compared to his own, Adrian's skin was ice cold and it made him shiver. Grabbing his blanket from beside him, he pulled it over the two of them and sighed._

_"I can't sleep."_

_"I can see that," Dan chuckled, "You don't come in here often anymore, what's wrong?"_

_Sighing, Adrian mumbled, "The storm," and Dan chuckled softly._

_"It'll pass soon don't worry. I'll be here until it does and for many more storms to come."_

Now? Now nothing was okay. When things changed recently, it wasn't for any greater good. There would be times when Adrian would want Dan's help with something or wanna do something with him, but Dan would simply send him off. He'd send him off with the excuse that Phil was calling him and he couldn't be around.

It was bothersome and irritable so to speak. Someone was coming in from the outside, changing the way he interacted with his brother and it wasn't fair to him. Sure, he was happy his brother was happy and was having the time of his life. Or was he? At first, he was, but as the months went on he couldn't stand it.

Sometimes it would be the excuse that Dan was leaving for a week or so to go up to see Phil. Ever since he went to Manchester for the first time those few months back, things were different. He could tell and it hurt him. It was burying him back into a corner of Dan that Dan didn't need anymore.

He remembers how Dan was when October 19th had rolled around the corner. He was running around that morning before their dad would take him to the train station. He watched Dan run around double checking everything more times than he could keep count of.

"Calm down son," his dad said watching him from the doorway of his room. "You're just going to a friend's, nothing to worry yourself over."

"I'm making sure I don't forget anything."

"No, you're obsessively checking everything over and over. Now hurry up and take your stuff down to the car so we make it time."

Peeking his head out, Adrian watched their dad head back downstairs. Dan mumbled under his breath and sighed as he went back to his room. The last couple of days leading to this Dan had been nervous and frantic and Adrian despised it. Each year around this time, they would do something together to celebrate the fall, but this year they didn't. The traditions they made were changing since this new person came into the picture.

_"Dan?" Adrian said walking into his brother's room._

_Dan was on the bed laying with his laptop open beside him. From what he could tell it looked like Skype was open but no one was on the other end, meaning that he left for a moment. His heart dropped and he sighed._

_"What?" Dan groaned looking over after pressing a few buttons on his keyboard._

_"You said this week we would go walk through the park and do something together."_

_A blank look of annoyance washed over Dan's face, leaving no room for any other emotion. Adrian looked around, avoiding his brother's gaze once the words left his mouth._

_"Adrian, can't you see I'm busy?"_

_"You promised, though."_

_Shaking his head Dan sighed and simply motioned for Adrian to turn and leave. With a heavy heart, he turned on his heel and walked out._

He remembers the time when Dan came running inside from a day being out with his friends excited to call Phil. Adrian was in Dan's room playing one of his games. When he looked over to Dan walking in with an annoyed expression plastered on his face.

"Adrian we talked about this. You can't keep coming in here as you _please_." Dan said and stood in the doorway staring at him.

"Mum said I could play."

"This isn't mum's room now is it?" Dan snapped bitterly towards him, causing him to physically flinch, which Dan ignored. "Get _out_."

Sighing, Adrian didn't even bother to save the progress he had. He wasn't sure if Dan would even let him come back in and play the game again later - so what was the hassle in trying? He turned Dan's game off and made his way out. Trudging past Dan he was met with a door slammed against his back once he was out.

Not too long after he the oh so familiar ringtone of Skype that he was used to hearing through the walls. Sighing, he went back to his room and watched the sunset from his window and the stars appear.

-

It didn't take long for the roles to reverse, now Phil was the one coming down to see Dan. Spring was coming and the snow was finally melting on the grass and March had begun. Adrian was downstairs working on his homework he had while his mum was cooking. He heard footsteps running down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Mum, can yo-"

"Dan time and time again I keep telling you to quit running in the house. You're as bad as your brother."

Rolling his eyes, Dan sighed. "Fine I'm sorry, but can you give me a ride to the train station?"

"What on Earth do you have to go there for?" She finally turned around and looked at him.

"I told you Phil was coming down today."

Sighing she shook her head and stared at him. "You never told us that Dan. Besides, I'm cooking and helping your brother with his work. There should be £40 in my wallet, use it and get a taxi, that should be enough to get there and back."

"Right," Dan muttered, and Adrian watched him grab the money and run off.

"I swear that boy is gonna get on my last nerve." His mum mumbled under her breath and wiped her hands on the paper towel that was on the counter beside her. "Come on love, clean up. Food will be finished soon." She smiled at him and walked over and kissed the top of her sons head, and rubbed his back.

That night, Adrian knew his brother had changed into something that he didn't like. His mindset was changing and soon he no longer cared about spending time with Adrian. But would rather spend time with _him_ whenever he could. It hurt him immensely but he didn't know how to change anything.

"Phil, what do you wanna watch?" Dan said as Adrian came downstairs and walked into the kitchen. He could feel Dan's eyes on him the entire time, but he tried ignoring it. It was hard to anymore, but he would be stuck making a failed attempt to; it was the only option that he had any more.

He heard footsteps approaching him from behind as he grabbed a cup from the pantry.

"You aren't staying down here, I hope you know. Phil's here so we get the downstairs tonight." Ignoring him, Adrian got into the fridge to grab the rest of the milk to pour himself a glass. "I know you can hear me, Adrian."

"Even if I _could_ stay down here I wouldn't want to," he muttered under his breath. Throwing the empty milk jug away, he pushed his past Dan and stormed upstairs. He felt Dan's eyes stare at him the entire time he left, not knowing the baffled look that was plastered all over his face.


	2. Chapter 2

**2015**

"Dad no, I don't wanna go. It'll be a ridiculous show and I don't care to see it." Adrian muttered, rolling his eyes and glaring over at his parents, "It's a waste of my time." His nerves were on a thin line when it came to his brother anymore. He was tired of hearing about his success. Adrian became hostile at times it seemed when the topic was even mentioned.

Of course, deep inside he knew that his brother's success wasn't his fault and that he earned it. He also knew that he wouldn't be admitting that anytime soon to anyone, especially Dan. When he was younger, he watched his brother bit by bit rise to fame. He watched his personality change. Now? While Adrian knew that Dan's personality was pretty much set and stone with Phil, the fame was still coming in. The subscriber count was rising and it was rising fast. Considering the fact that Dan had only hit one million two years before. It didn't seem like it was slowing down anytime soon as well.

"Adrian we're going. This show means an awful lot to your brother, Phil too."

Shaking his head, Adrian stood up and went upstairs huffing the entire time. He didn't care that his feet were pounding on the floorboards. Walking past his brother's old room, Adrian could see inside a bit as the door was opened just enough. It was a constant reminder of the past and his brother when they were close and he _despised_ this. It still caused his agony to know that at one point his brother and him were best friends and close as can be. It hurt to know that now they were complete strangers. It hurt that Adrian couldn't tell you one thing about his brother. He suspected his brother could retaliate.

Adrian would be an absolute liar if he said that he didn't love his brother because that simply just wasn't the case. Even though now he despised being in the presence of his brother, that didn't change the fact that he still loved him. It didn't change that if Dan ever needed he would be there for him. He didn't see that ever happening now that Phil was permanently in the picture. That is unless the two had some major fall out. That was something he never saw happening in the near future if ever though. Whenever he decided to occasionally check up on his brother, he and Phil were still attached at the hip.

There was a part of him that was absolutely raged about this. Adrian wanted that. He wanted someone who he could spend any amount of time with and it be perfectly fine. Things were different for him. He couldn't live freely as he wanted. He had to build a wall up around himself to keep himself guarded so no one could hurt him like that again.

Staring up at the ceiling of his bedroom, his phone went off on the nightstand beside him. Sighing, he picked it up and put it back down as quickly as he could.

**_Dan 20:14: mum said you weren't coming to the show._ **

**_Dan 20:37: adrian just answer me for once. i know you've read this._ **

**_Adrian 20:57: Then turn off your read receipts. Problem solved._ **

It wasn't fair to Dan the way he acted and he knew that. Yet he couldn't help himself. Their history was one that he couldn't just simply get over the way everyone had been expecting him to.

It was the lack of trust he has because of events that occurred. All because of who his brother is that caused him to be this way. See two years prior Dan and Phil were at the peak of their hype. They were gaining subscribers faster and faster and everyone wanted in on their lives. Sadly for Adrian, he was drug down as well. It had started as people asking him questions regarding his brother and then it became too much. He couldn't even be on his own social media anymore because of the fact that he would be flooded with questions. No one really was interested in him himself, but they were interested in Dan. Many fans tried to use Adrian as a gateway to Dan. This alone was enough of a strain on the relationship between him and Dan, that it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

With Dan he let many things slide by. He let Phil come in and replace him and Adrian never said a word. He let family events be ways to cheer Dan on for his success and insult him. Many many other things were on this list and it was piling and piling up until he snapped.

He had people who he thought were his friends, only to find out they weren't interested in him. They just wanted to know about his brother and what really was the status of his and Phil's quote-unquote friendship. This just sent him even farther down a spiral that he didn't know how to crawl out of. He had no idea who he could possibly even talk to about this situation. How many people could truly say that they were harassed and catfished in the hopes of finding information about their brother? And for what? To answer a question they knew that they wouldn't get the answer to? To know more and more than what was out there?

**_Dan 22:41: i guess if you change your mind, there'll be a seat for you in the third row. not sure how i can change your mind but whatever._ **

**_Dan 22:45: phil said he hopes you come not even to see us, just to have a night of fun._ **

**_Adrian 22:56: What to have teenage girls screaming in my fucking ear for who knows how long? I'm good._ **

Maybe it was unfair to treat Dan the way that he did. He just couldn't help it in all honesty.

"Adrian," his mum said knocking on the door before coming in.

"I'm not apologizing to him and for the last time I'm not going." Adrian spat his mothers way. The words rolling off his tongue in a way that worried him. It was a natural feeling at this point to simply just be hostile.

"You could at least be considerate and think about it. Your brother's been working hard on this and wants us, more so you, to be proud of him."

A wave of confusion washed over him and he sat up hesitantly. "Why on Earth would it matter to Dan if I was proud of him?"

Coming over and sitting on the edge of the bed, his mum looked at him. "Adrian dear, Dan knows your father and I are proud of him. We've told him time and time again. You did too at one point, don't you remember?"

Darting his eyes down and away from his mother, Adrian could feel the pride in him bubbling to the surface. It wouldn't let him admit that he was wrong and should just be nice for once in years.

"When you were little anytime Dan did anything, you always were his biggest fan. Why did you let that change?" His mum sighed before standing up, "It's getting late, head to bed soon at least."

_His biggest fan. Why did you let that change?_

Those words played in his head on repeat for most hours of the night as he tossed and turned in discomfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! i hope you enjoyed this and if you like you can follow me over on tumblr 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! i hope you enjoyed this and if you like you can follow me over on tumblr [@rwdaf](https://rwdaf.tumblr.com) for any/all updates when i upload next!


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